I got a stupid phone call the other day; actually I get them all the time. This one was particularly irritating: “I have no problem with fulfilling your requirements, but first you have to prove you are dominant (over the phone).” WTF?

First of all I’m not going to give a free phone session. Second, that person proved they didn’t have a clue about what dominance and submission is all about, especially in this context. Third, I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I brushed it off at the time because I was so irritated and I had better things to do. Later, I thought of things I wish I’d said, but that’s inconsequential because he was worthless. I don’t feel that way about many people. Even slaves have worth.

I’ve come across excerpts from a book I’d like to get a hold of, The Bonds of Love. The author states, “domination is anchored in the hearts of the dominated.” She builds on the foundation of Freud’s Oedipal theory. It looks like good reading, especially for those of us who are interested in psychology and psychoanalysis. It’s particularly relevant in reference to erotic dominance.

Perhaps it’s because I’m dominant that I’ve realized a person can’t be dominated unless they are broken or they choose to be so. Even brute force isn’t domination. It’s force. I don’t care to play with broken toys. So many times people confuse domination with being a bitch or aggressive. I think that’s just being an asshole. There are plenty of dominant people who choose to acquiesce in a situation because it was wise to do so. If a person chooses to be indomitable that will eventually lead to isolation, injury and/or death.

So, when I get prove it attitudes from so called bottoms/submissives/slaves, I just loose my temper and ignore them. It’s the only real punishment anyway.

Of course I recognize different types of dominance. I usually think of it in terms of biology. Only about %15 of any given “animal” population is dominant. It’s a characteristic a being is born with. Characteristics, both dominant and submissive behaviors, can be cultivated or conditioned out; but that doesn’t change the nature of the person. When we’re talking about erotic dominance, we’re talking about a MUTUALLY consensual activity that needs to be negotiated on some level otherwise it’s unethical. That goes both ways.

The erotic power exchange has multiple layers and infinite ways of being expressed. That’s one of the reasons I love the work I do. I get to experience a wide range of play with a huge variety of people. I find the motivations and expressions fascinating. (I LOVE that word.) Perhaps I’m swimming up stream as I try to educate as I go along, but it seems worth it, if even only for my own satisfaction. There are just somethings I just cannot, not do.